Family Today..

Family is the basis of society. When family structures collapse, society collapses. When society collapses, nations fall. When nations fall, they are enslaved or destroyed. And, the basis of a family is a MAN and a WOMAN. These two get together, get married and have a child. A family is created.

Now, when I went to get married, I had to go to the court and get an appointment with the Shaikh. There were two counters. One for “Nikah” and one for “Talaq”  ( divorce). The line at the divorces counter was way longer than the line for the marriage counter. It is no secret that the divorce rate is extremely and alarmingly HIGH here. Why?

The Man Woman union is disturbed for some reason. What has gone wrong?

In my life, since my teen ages, I have seen countless married women wanting affairs while their husbands are good people and vice versa. I have seen too many double standards and I have seen too much deception. And now, I am witnessing destruction..

HOW? WHY?

Did something happen to the genetic structures of men and women that they are transforming? Truly, women are behaving like men and men are behaving like women. Men are not tough ( they may look tough) and women are becoming warriors that no nation needs. This, in this Islamic society, where in Islam, gender roles are WELL DEFINED.

Now, please do not get me wrong – this is not a BLAME HER post. This is my analysis of what is going on. It is not about women becoming bad or men becoming bad. It is about what WE have done to ourselves as people. How we neglect each other, how we are now subjected to higher expenses and thus bitter moments…

Expenses:

Blackberry is a business phone as are MANY smart phones. It enables us to send and receive large files , check emails and communicate safely with associates. Why does everyone have one?  Higher cost of communication for family. A good phone costs 2-300 Riyals. A few calls a day would not exceed 2-3 riyals. Yes, smart phones offer free communication.. but how often is communication REALLY needed? Be honest now…

SUVs: Needed for rough terrains where 4×4 driving is required. Also, if there is a large group of people going on a journey by road. And SUV is a Sports UTILITY Vehicle. Why does a family of 4 people who never leave Riyadh own a Yukon? Higher cost of Transport.

The list goes on and on. We buy and buy and buy and never stop buying. A phone model changes every year and every year we change phones. Someone reliable told me that Jariir made a sale of 175k just in the communication devices section in one day once! I can’t believe it but I have to.

I walk into SACO on a weekend, it is FULL. I MEAN FULL. Go anywhere, spending, time-wasting, useless purchases are at their peak!

The home BITES. It bores and it is not where people want to be.

You can buy a nice TV for 600 Riyals. Why would a family of 3 buy a HUGE screen TV for 8000 Riyals?

A newly married couple need a big apartment and they need a MAID too.

So, men stress themselves out providing these things to families. Women create their own agendas and when told that money is not enough at once seek independence. And there goes the family to the pits…

We have been given facilities of good communication and good transport. Do we need to overuse them? A friend of mine tells me that his wife’s parents live here in the same city. They go visit them. As soon as they come back home, she gets on the phone to talk to them. Then she goes on Skype to see them. WHAT? You JUST MET THEM!  My friend, she is missing home. She never goes to STAY with them… let her go. But she will not go stay with them! Because the people of today, US, prefer to communicate from far away. Personally, I would NOT mind if my wife goes and stays with her parents for a week every month. Let families MEET, be together… instead of using gadgets to talk! Encourage meeting.

And buddy, she does not trust you much.. lol.. she has read too many stories..

We never leave each other and we are never really together.. what do you expect?  A couple cannot and should not stare at each other all the time. Take time off to families. Trust and grow.

Grown 40 plus men behave like teenagers in heat. I have seen this and I am sure, you have seen this. They take off for “business trips”. They go around flirting with anyone. Seeking. WHAT? You have a wife at HOME????! I mean, limit stupidity! PLEASE! I would understand if a guy went on a forced business trip and one night got seduced by the MOST beautiful female on earth that even the strongest cannot resist and he slipped.. but hey! How often does that happen now?

Sadly, I have to say the same for women…

I won’t even mention polygamy.. that is a CRIME in this society of Muslims now.

So, you see, the balance is OUT. There is no balance.

Do you see my point? I will write it clearly below:

We, people of this generation, fail to detach from our old bonds, fail to compromise, fail to decide, fail to commit, fail to focus, fail to be real and MAKE A FAMILY of our own. Our parents did.. we do not. Wives DO not follow husbands, husbands get angry and retaliate, then the wife retaliates and a divorce happens.. and a child or children suffer mentally. These children will grow up HATING marriage and do you know what happens when the institution of marriage fails? Fornication becomes the way of life.. and it is becoming that. Do not tell me it is not. IT IS.

People… we need to work on this. Lets spend what we can comfortably afford. Lets work on this. Lets focus on family. Throw that phone away for a while. Limit the circle of people you know because you need to give time to yourself and your home. People will not make you rich. Re define your belief.

Men: Your wife, your children… give them time. Love them. They are precious.

Women: You don’t need to have everything.. you have your husband and your children. A woman is patient and kind and wins the heart of her husband through compromise and love. Getting angry worked with DAD, it won’t work with this guy. You must defeat the ego and he will make you a queen. Do it. Be that woman he NEEDs and seeks.. not a mother that raised him. You cannot control a man, but you can win his heart and respect. Work on that instead of gossiping for hours on the phone with family and friends! ( women will kill me for this..)

Honestly? We have left the Quran and Hadith as books in the shelf and we just follow our limited minds. IF we apply them, women will do what women do and men will do what men should and we would be at peace with what we have. Why don’t we? What is stopping us? What will happen?

Wake up! THINK.

We need to go back to LA ILAHA IL ALLAH and grow from there.