Depressed In Riyadh..

I honestly thought of making this a page on FB. I bet it would have a thousand members before I could say ” Let us all party on the moon”.. :D

But, I thought this to myself: Do not encourage depression within you or in others. Do not indulge in it. Do not allow it. Counter it. Fix it. And, fix it right here in Riyadh.

You see, I have understood what depression is. Depression is caused by the shock of not being able to get what we really need or are used to and being helpless in most areas of life. It is caused by loss. It is caused when the ego of a person is damaged. I have seen some years of depression. And , giving in to it has always only led to an escape from it through a variety of means. Most of them not beneficial to man.

Yes, people do get depressed in Riyadh. Very depressed. And, I have always wondered why. I never got depressed as a child, teenager or even an adult. I only got depressed when I realized how limited I was in business here. How I was so dependent on a “sponsor” and how the system was so difficult to deal with. Of course, most of this was based on assumption and people’s complains. But, it was enough to depress me. And it did. And I took off. But that was my thing. Your thing could be different..

Life is such that it makes us FACE our greatest fears regardless of our will. I consider that a blessing. Because , in each pain hides a gain. In each loss there hides a victory and I suppose that is the test of life put upon the human mind.  I will not go on with defining depression and going into the mechanics of the human mind and thought.. I will cut right through that and give you a complete solution to whatever depression you are feeling in Riyadh.

Ok.. now , first of all.. you must ACCEPT that this the life in Riyadh. Do not think it will change, and do no interfere with its process or existence. You will only be banging your head on the wall. So why do it? Just ACCEPT Riyadh as it is. Once you have done that, you will realize that you have put a lot of negativity within you to rest. Acceptance is the key to change.

Then , write down all the things that bother you here. The Mutawa, the Rules.. the whatever. Write it down in point form. Once your list is ready, start defining each one. Do not define anything based on assumption or common talk. Define them for what they are. You will see that they do have a reason to be. You  see what you are doing now is DEFINING your problem. Defining a problem is step one in solving it. A journey of research and understanding will begin. You will befriend Saudis, old expatriates. You will start to look at things you never saw before. You will even start to learn Arabic. Do not, at any point, take anyone’s opinion seriously – Saudi or non Saudi. Someone else’s experience and perception is their own. Not yours. What they experienced was for them , not you. For example, once I had a small problem with the Mutawa. In my heart , I was angry and so full of hatred. When I applied this process of “Honesty” and ” research”  in the first ten minutes of meeting him, I did realize that the fault lay with me. So, I told the Mutawa that. He forgave me at once and overlooked the whole issue. Honesty PAYS. Someone else may have started the self defense thing with him and he would have probably dealt with  them severely in every possible way. Anger generates anger, drop it.

Now, in doing your research .. ( hate not, understand).. you will come to know so many things about Saudi Arabia. History of Tribes and people. The culture, the mentality and how it grew into what it is . You will even understand why the Saudi People are not so very welcoming nor so open to all expatriates. They used to be. They used to respect and admire expatriates like no other nation can. They used to honor them and love them and do everything to protect them. They did all this until thousands of expatriates FOOLED them, took their wealth, abused them.. and even murdered them. So, stop the blame game and start the UNDERSTAND game. Put yourself in their shoes too sometimes. Pretend to be a Saudi , and see reactions. You will understand.

Of course, the research and understanding , with the goal being the same: Defining the problems that generate depression, is a continuous process. It is a way of thinking that you must adopt. Do not react before defining.

Then, the question of existence, freedom and needs. List them. You see, you CAN do anything you want here. You cannot drink, party, have relationships all over.. but then would you want that elsewhere? That really goes back to you. Though it maybe implemented in a ” not so beautiful” way, the Sharia does hold great value and following it DOES benefit people. It benefits you. Don’t agree? Back to step two: Research.

Deception of people and other illusions: Read my post about  WASTA. Do not, ever.. ever.. believe in people with big promises. You want to do business here or get something from the government, go DIRECTLY to them. Get your information from them. They will give you guidelines and options for KSA. Do not , for a minute, think that a guy in a nice white thobe and shining shoes knows it all and can do it all.. he cannot. People are people and the government treats them as such. Find out policies and processes and follow-up directly.

I repeat, the system is NOT that bad, it is the people representing it that make it look so ugly , and it is all because of their laziness. For example, exit-reentry, renewals and all the processes of Jawazat are done in minutes.. it is the Expediter of your company or someone you hired that is giving you stories. Always remember that. Do not blame the government for the mistake of some people. Again, research. But once you have really started with the “Defining” , you will know the solution to all this anyway.

Lack of entertainment? I disagree. KSA is HUGE. It has some amazing places. Get in a car and take off. Oh , you are a woman and you cannot drive? I , for one, wish you could. But, if you could, you would OPT not to. The driving is a pain here sometimes. Hire a private car.

Do not let your mind fall into this trap of depression. Your biggest most important realization , no matter what religion you follow or not follow, should be: Your life is YOUR business. How you think, act and perceive is what shows around you. Remove the weak thinking processes such as ” Money is in Saudi Arabia” .. in fact, stop living for money. Stop thinking that a human being will give you anything. No one can. What Riyadh does is it makes you face YOURSELF again and again. Look within and not around and you will see that each situation relates to a perception you have held for years…a perception that needs to change ( now, that was DEEP)..

Pray to the God that has created ALL and pray sincerely.. define His creation and understand HIS position in your life.. you will start to live. Depression will be replaced by joy. Your greatest enemy will become your best friend. And you will have passed a great test. The test that checks whether your surroundings control you or YOU control your surroundings. Doubts, deterrents and ideas that weaken your soul and mind should be dropped. Ignored. At any cost. Here is a piece of wisdom that I heard somewhere : If you see a man holding a bow and arrow pointing towards you and you know that the arrow he throws will go as far as you can run and he will not miss, what is the best way of saving yourself? .. Go and HUG HIM.. Run towards him and hold him.  Think about that for a minute.

You will see in time, that all this depression was an illusion that you had imposed upon yourself. Get up each fajir, pray.. breathe in the morning air and live. Be happy. All those people who you love are a gift of God to you. Your children have their own destinies. You are not in charge of their destiny. As Khalil Gibran very wisely said once : They came through you, not FOR you.  So, teach them to think like this and do not pass on your depression to them. Smile more and find peace within yourself.

And yes, EXPRESS what you feel .. always.. Do not let it live in your heart. Always DEFINE the problem and seek solution. To react emotionally will only cause misery. And, this applies where ever you go or live.

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11 thoughts on “Depressed In Riyadh..

  1. Allah bless you Noor. Make Allah your constant motivator. Through sincere communication to Him in your quiet moments and salah. As for me being on your fb list, add me to your dua list and pray for me. I am grateful to Allah that my words motivate you.
    Everything you see and don’t see is under His complete control and He loves you many times more than your mother, keep that as the major reality in your life. Everything else will change. Kids will grow up, rules and society will change. Life moves on.
    Your bhai.

  2. Thanks alot bro!

    You guys will always be in my duas what you have said over here is just so real.

    And yes i said what i meant and i meant what i said :o)

    Love the work keep it up!

    Noor

  3. We can see FITNA at it’s best here a woman offering a non Mahram man to be his personal friend and motivator & the man asking to befriend Allah & make Him the motivator!!
    Wonder what message the sister is trying to send? That she is very open minded, educated & independent?? The only way she can be all three of these is my looking up to Allah rarer than other men motivation and advice. Astagfurallah.

  4. MR stopurcrap

    U are the one crapping and this shows what kind of a sick minded person you are.Allah wa Taala is the one to judge not you and btw Allah is the only one to look up to and being a Motivator is not wrong,there are many people in the world who do it for a living as well go SUE them.

    Yes I am a highly educated person and I fear and love my Allah and I did not write any wrong,your comment shows what an uneducated fool you are and how narrow minded and sick personality you have.

    I wrote that comment earlier coz I regard RRT as an elder brother and a friend but people like YOU MR CRAP make these words sounds very very very very demeaning and insulting.There is something known as a pure heart and pious soul which I am absolutely sure does not exist in you atleast!

    I pity you – you are a very very very sad soul -i’ll pray for you.And yes take counselling if you can afford it.

    My Allah grant you brains

    Noor

  5. Cool it lady when Allah binds two ppl in marriage (& hope you are already bound) it is for the purpose they are the motivators of each other & don’t need to go seeking other men or women for motivation which spreads fitna. Your considering someone your brother does not make him ur brother or there wldnt be a Hadith that the third person between a strange man n woman is Iblis. Your intention might not be wrong but ur way is. Motivators n counselors n all this BULL **** without considering Islamic teachings has no meaning but shows how well the westerners have brainwashed you & given you the impression of being HIGHLY EDUCATED so that u give Islamic teachings as little importance.
    My sincere advice ‘be highly educated in Quran n Hadiths n Islamic ways’ and make ur husband ur motivator rather than other men ur friends n motivators.

    Once again honey cut the crap n get back to your religion rather than running after the ways of non Muslims!

  6. Hello Hello

    Uncle you cut the crap and mind your own Business – and my husband is my motivator – MOTIVATOR does not mean anything wrong.It is your mind that is playing the games,Again – I can see what kind of sick minded person you are.I know my ISlam and My Allah knows me,and yeah you are no one to judge me and my intentions so you barge out of it – KINDLY!

    I love my religion and Islamic teachings and I know what to do rather take advise from a stranger like YOU and I have NOT given you the right to tell me or my husband what is right and wrong,so please excuse yourself out of it.

    I liked the article I commented case closed.

    and yeah get help for yourself and boss around your own people not others.

    Bye for the last time!

  7. My intention was not to upset you but just felt sorry for your husband as he like any man wld not want his wife advertising how much in need she was of a Motivatior (in all decent terms) when he was right there. And pls don’t tell me how different your husband is from the ‘typical men’ cuz when it’s abt their wives all men are same NARROW MINDED unless ofcourse they aren’t bothered abt their wives.

    Anyway I sincerely do apologized if I was harsh but if you sit back and think with a cool mind you might understand what point I was trying to
    make. Unnecessary interactions between males & females that involve emotions such as depressions etc etc lead to fitna. I’m sure ur mind is clean but why wld u want a complete
    stranger to advice n motivate u he can’t know u better than ur life partner can he?
    I’m sure ur husband will agree with me. My
    Salam to him n may Allah’s mercy always be on your family sister.
    With all due respect to the moderator you are doing a great job I enjoy your articles.

    With a

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