When I was a teenager, I was truly very innocent. Forget the pranks at school and failing subjects and playing “hooky” .. we were innocent kids with amazing imaginations.
The first time we were ever exposed to female ” PICS and Movies” was when we were 13. An egyptian/ american student in our class had gone off to the USA for vacations and brought with him magazines, movies and pictures. How he managed it, I still cannot figure out. But, he spread them all over the class.
This was 1983. No mobiles, no Satelite TV. Not too many people. Lots of money going around. Big cars. And, very high USA influence on schooling and lifestyles of the “english” speaking or ” USA returned” locals and expatriates. We used to get videos of American shows and we loved them. Living in compounds with westerners , growing up with them.. we had adopted a lot of their thinking. Especially when they were our teachers at school too.
But, this was also the root cause for our identity crises and confusion. We had nice teachers who taught us good things. They taught us to think freely. They taught us to be creative and happy. They encouraged the mixing of sexes and HECK we did not mind at all!..Even our Islamic Education teacher was an American Muslim. We loved him too. He did tell us that mixing with girls was forbidden, BUT he gave us a solution too – get married. He himself had 4 wives:D
The first time we became aware of our NEED to be with girls.. was some years later.. at 17. Because before that, we were too busy playing games and fighting. We were too busy learning Kung Fu and making our ” GET OUT OF RIYADH ASAP” plans. Towards the end of High School, we wanted to have female partners… one of us fell in love with a girl in the girls section and after 5 years of a battle between parents, managed to marry her. Others just went to different countries to study and lived with dozens of different girls, finally marrying one of them. Many just got into trouble with drugs or some nonsense. Some of us did this: Went to the parents and said.. Parents.. get me married to a nice girl. Because you see parents, having a GF would be a bad idea.. or going around with a variety of women would start a game that would never end. I need a partner, so get me married parents. They laughed at our faces. YOU IDIOT! Marriage? NOW? You need to get a degree, get a job.. THEN you think of marriage! Boy, were we disappointed!..We thought we were Muslims.. and the Islamic Education teacher had told us.. get married if you want a woman. So? What are they laughing at? Innocent and stupid were we.. sir.. truly!
Yes, we lived in a DOUBLE STANDARD society. Where, on one hand we were given excellent education from great teachers, some of them world-renowned personalities today, and on the other.. we lived in a SICK society here in Riyadh. A society that had the most UNISLAMIC norms. Our society of Expatriate Muslims. I don’t know what was going on with the Saudi guys at the time.. but from what I remember.. they cursed life as much as I did. lol.
Lust has grown in people to the point of no return now. Men stare, men harass.. so do women.. equally. Married people cheat and lie. Maids are sent home pregnant. All this happens. Worse than this, our kids are losing their innocence. They are exposed to so much nonsense all over the place. Nonsense created in the past generation.
Education teaches us that Marriage has NOTHING to do with learning and work. In fact, marriage causes people to do better. Marriage at the right time , that is. I can tell you now: If my parents got me married at 18.. I would have studied better, worked better and done much more than I have done now. Yes, I did venture into the world of getting myself married. But any girl’s parents had a louder laugh than my own parents. Our whole society lived under norms which have NOTHING to do with either Islam or the Western way of life. Because , in the west.. I would date.. experiment.. in my own house, in front of my parents and that was ok. In Islam, my parents would have not slept at night until they got me married. We were neither Muslim, nor Western. We were ” CONFUSED and IDIOTIC”.. and we are becoming worse. We do not know what to believe. Because if we believed in the Quran, then sustenance is from Allah, Life is from Allah.. so why do I need a degree from the west and a job to get married? Won’t Allah provide? After all , I am doing Halal for Him right? Otherwise, I would just go sleeping around and all is cool. No one could answer this question. Control it, control your desire of a partner.. NO! That is not human nor is it the right expectation neither is it Islamic. This damn stupid control thing has produced enough gays and lesbians in KSA then freedom did in USA.. get this through your thick confused heads my most honorable ” control your natural desire ” freaks!..Allah did not ask us to control this.. he asked us to marry and he made marriage the easiest thing in the world for Muslims. Muslims made it difficult , fearing everything BUT Allah. Thats the truth and the result is, perversion in society all over the Islamic Countries. Worse than the west.. I can prove this.
Today : Education systems are too commercial to be given any respect. Media shows it ALL. Internet Shows it ALL. Communication tools are plenty. Our boys and girls are exposed to EVERYTHING right here in Riyadh. But when they step out of their virtual world, they too see an unfair society. A society that burdens them with the same challenges they would face in the west, but does not allow the freedom the west does. Or, if we talk about Islam.. then this society does dictate SOME of the Rules of Islam but will never provide easily an Islamic Solution to an issue. Thus, the same confusion and identity crises intensified. Result: More lust, more perversion.
I am not talking about JUST Saudi Arabia.. I am talking about EVERY ISLAMIC COUNTRY. I just put more emphasis on KSA because we are raised here. If gender mixing is forbidden, then why is marriage so difficult? For westerners , either is easy.. to date and have fun or to have a wedding. No stopping you after you are 18.. right? Why are we so hung up on the whole thing? Why are we making SEX such a huge ISSUE for ourselves? I will tell you why: because we are sick people. Mentally sick.
We pressure our kids to excel.. of , course.. the reason is we want them to make money. How silly!.. HOW juvenile is that? We do not raise mentally evolved kids. We do not raise creative people. We do not raise happy people. We enforce, scare and confuse. Because when we make money the objective of life, we produce money seeking people. And, when money becomes everything – values go down the drain. We do not allow our children to grow naturally. To discover life and their talents . We do not let them enhance their being through Submission to a God that is JUST. I thought God was unfair when I looked at my elders to be very honest. Until I realized that they were in fact AGAINST God . I realized I had to move on and make my own life, which I did. What do we show our children? On one hand, they get a list of virtues of Islam and benefits and on the other hand they get a bunch of angry enforcers who want them to CONTROL what Allah never asked them to control. What do they do? They either bow their heads and lose themselves forever, or they rebel. Either way, society suffers.
Who would care about gender segregation issues if everyone was satisfied? Would it even be an issue? I am married and happy now, and frankly I do not give a damn if I am in a group consisting of both men and women. I know my limits and I am happy with my wife. And if I was not, I would marry again. She would too. Islam allows both of us this. With this in mind, why would I get bothered? It is not even a consideration in my mind. I frankly do not care if a woman is driving past me. I know how women think and what they are .. I am married and I have a child. I would be the same if this happened when I was 18. It would be not such a “hot” issue.
Please people… do not teach your children the correct Islam and Education and then show them something else. They will not respect you. Do what is right no matter how much you fear. Right is MIGHT. Your son is 18, he wants a woman.. get him married. How will he provide? He will.. let him and his wife discover life and find ways to live. Help them. You can. You feed one son, how much more could a girl eat? But, at least he will not go wandering outside harassing innocent girls on the street or making mistakes which haunt you later?
I say this to the Non Saudis and to the Saudis: Stop this nonsense of “control this and that” .. the things Allah has asked us to control are well-defined. I asked a member of the PVPV once : Why do you punish a man so severely for being with a woman.. why not encourage marriage. ” WE DO ” he said.. WE DO.. but we cannot go into the homes and minds of the parents and MAKE them get their children married, now can we? We just want to not allow perverse acts in society!.. You know what, I could not agree more!..What can the PVPV do except chase and shout and punish.. it is YOU.. the people who should do what is right. Either become totally western .. or FOLLOW what is right.. hanging in the middle makes you look RIDICULOUS!.. My suggestion: Do the right thing, do what your Quran tells you.. if you really want to live a successful life. Your fears, other ideologies… do nothing for you. The west developed over CENTURIES to became what it is.. you cannot become western by speaking english and pretending. No. The whole world cannot be western… ( I wrote another post about this)..
When you do not have the GUTS to marry for Allah and Divorce for Honesty.. you lie and cheat.. no matter how righteous you look, you LIE. In the west, they DO have the guts to marry and divorce for their hearts.. you are today neither them nor the Muslim you should be.. what are you then? A Fake? Because your being fake is making this whole society fake.. and that is true failure on earth.
7 thoughts on “Marriage and Perversion: Today and yesterday..”
There is so much wrong with the world today that finding a place to begin and end would be a difficult task.I do believe in staying true to yourself though and not sitting on the fence..do or not its up to you,but do something.Great post and thanks for sharing
Wo! Thank you fallenangel.. I did not even finish editing and fixing the grammar and you commented.. its fixed now..
As for the post: Thanks again.. but I wrote it with much pain in my heart. I see what goes on with our youth.. their issues..and it hurts even more when I know what caused it and how to fix it..all I can do is write about it for now.. But, HOPEFULLY and I PROMISE,my son will not face this crap ever. Nor his friends, cousins, future brothers and sister ( inshallah)..:)
RRt – this is an amazing post – i have a 4 year old daughter and a son who is barely 2 – and im wondering from now on what is to be done……..??
We share the concerns.. but we must do what is right.. we MUST do what our Book tells us to do.. IF we believe it to be true and real. No matter how difficult it seems.. once you decide to do what is right, the path opens up .. and let me tell you.. it takes you to happiness and prosperity. But yes, concerns remain in our minds.. for our wonderful kids.. May Allah protect them.
I found your topic at the peak of my interest and was very glad to see another person writing out my heart’ feelings, now i’m a boy of 19 in Riyadh doing a job and studying as well in Riyadh, i’m living with my parents, and I do have that exact feeling you mentioned ” I want a partner for my life”. In fact i also do admire a girl and so does she, but every time I tell her we need to get married talk to your parents about the matter, she comes up saying that my parents are gonna ask how well established the boy is… How many bucks is he earning a month, and so on. This typical mentality is coming from older generations and we cannot deny them. But on the other hand, if I think being a parent of a girl, I might also think the same. How can I marry my one and only most beloved girl to a boy who is still living with his parents, still studying, does not even have a bachelors degree, and so on…… I am very hopeless at the moment… I do sometimes think am I the one wrong to like a girl and wanting to marry her, or is the world mad asking me for a bachelor’s degree??? Allah (swt) says int he holy quran: INN KUNTUM FUQARAA’A YUGHNEEKUMULLAAH,. With apology this is just the part of verse I remember. This verse is talking about marriage, that if you are poor, you get married, and Allah will bless you and make you rich.
Even if you look into ahadith, you wont fined anything asking for a degree as a requirement for marriage, but imposingly its encouraged as soon as you reach the age of puberty, and you come up with your physical needs. I do not need to get to the top of the ladder, to get married. I do have a sense of responsibility when i am seeking a marriage, because I know it i am committing to responsibility as the girl i will be bringing is fully Dependant on me and i have to take care of her. but i don’t understand how to explain all my feeling and get my thought to the world’s mind/?????????
I am so sheerly helpless, because another thing that bugs me is that my whole maternal and paternal comes up from a respected educational background and even if i get to marry a girl, i know I will be a victim of criticize for whole my life, “HOW CAN YOU GET MARRIED WHEN YOU HAVE’NT FINISHED YOUR STUDIES???
I just wonder why in today’s world we consider this thing just as a phrase توكل على الله. We just use it to tell that we should leave our matters on Allah but don’t come up implementing it…
I humbly request every reader to comment on this issue… I want to see where do the minds stand of our Muslim Ummah.
Extremely proud of you! I wish our elders would appreciate boys like you.
I would like to ask your parents and the girl what the heck “well established” means? And very honestly, degrees can be done after marriage too!
My friend, you are not wrong to like the girl. It is very natural and normal. You are a healthy young man.
You already know my views on the subject. Here is my offer to you: will get you married, established and much more Inshallah by the strength and power Allah has given. And, if someone tries to stop you , they will see how “unestablished” we can make them in a minute! Yes Ali, will support you aggressively and not let you fall into despair! Email me at email@example.com
If you find yourself agreeing with the fact that one should wait until they are well off.. then you must realize that you have to refrain from illegal relationships until that point. If you feel you do not have the patience, then you should marry against all odds.. depends entirely on you. The bottom line is : pleasing Allah is more important than pleasing people and requirements of culture and society , which could be unfair.